Do you think that you can be happy for someone and be jealous at the same time? Can you justify that at all? I honestly thought I could but after doing some thinking, I don’t think it could be possible in a way. How could you be happy and envious of someone at once? Aren’t those conflicting thoughts and feelings? I wanted to put this out there because its a true and honest lesson that I learned this year. I’ve been struggling with it and it has affected my mental health in a way. I want to be more transparent and honest with you guys. I wrote about this on my Tumblr account last month and I use that platform to get my thoughts out and for potential blog post like this one.
The reason I say that I have jealously and envy issues is because I consistently compare my life to others. I see people with things that I’ve been trying to work so hard for and it just never happened. I see people achieving things that I’ve been wanting and it became hurtful. I’ve been blogging and creating content for seven years and I’ve seen people doing this for a shorter amount of time securing brand partnerships, on PR lists, having way more responses to their content, making more than I do at my 9-5 job and much more. What really got to me is those that are way younger than me or around my age that are more established and accomplished than myself. I just feel like I have nothing to show for what I do. Yes I set out at first to blog as an outlet to talk about things that I love so much and my natural hair journey. Seven years ago, I had no clue you could make money doing this but as I started to see that, I thought I could make it happen. I was very fortunate enough to work with a couple brands and make money from it. It honest blew my mind that they wanted to work with me because I saw the other content creators who had a way bigger following than myself and got a little intimidated at first. I saw how much better their content was, their creative editing skills, how interactive their audience was, how much people would share their content and it just got to me.
My thoughts just started spiraling out of control. Yes I was happy for others, yes I liked and commented and shared their content but it bothered me I didn’t get the same in return. It made me think what I was doing wasn’t good enough. I would sit there and think about what I was doing wrong, why people don’t like my content as much, why her, why her content when I put out the same thing. It got out of control, like seriously out of control.
I had to remind myself that my content is not for everyone. Everyone is not going to like what you put out, what you say or do and that is okay. I’ve been learning to let go of that and focus on the people I do reach, who do love what I do and I really appreciate them so much! I had to let go of the notion that my friends and family do not have like or support what I do, they don’t have share, repost, tell others about it at all. Yes it got to me seeing other people’s friends do that for them but I can’t focus on other people, I need to worry about myself. It just feels like I need to put my blinders on and focus on bettering myself so I don’t think like this again, that these jealous thoughts and feelings no longer consume me.
I have no reason to be jealous and envious of others, I should be happy for them instead with no other feelings. You can’t be jealous and happy for someone at the same time. Everyone has a different path towards the same result of being successful and accomplished. My path is way different from the next person and my season of success hasn’t been reached yet but I know its coming. I should be really proud of what I’ve done so far and will continue doing. I wasn’t meant to break into being a full time blogger/content creator and that is okay. This, creating content, blogging, doing YouTube videos is just for fun but I won’t turn down the opportunity to work with a brand and make money. I really enjoy my creative space outside of being a wife and mom, its something just for me.
2020 taught me to work through these issues and learn to be more gracious, not envious or jealous of others. See you guys tomorrow!