I always get inspired to write some blog posts based on things I’ve experienced, seen online and so on. This post I was inspired to write hits a little different to write because it is something I honestly don’t talk about much and it is a lot. I know at some point I need to heal from this, move forward and really be okay with talking about it. So…
Many of us were watching the Super Bowl on Sunday and I have to say even though my team didn’t win, I’m proud of them. They really had an amazing season and they’ll be back. I know so many of us were super excited to see that Rihanna would be performing during halftime. We haven’t seen her perform in a while and I know we have been looking for another album. Listen, she can keep taking my coins with Fenty Beauty, Fenty Skin, Savage x Fenty and so on. I’ve been enjoying everything so far.
Well she went trending on Twitter and everywhere else for looking noticeably “pregnant” during her performance. I loved the performance but it just strikes a nerve with me in a way that people automatically assume someone is pregnant because of how their body looks or has changed and we honestly need to normalize not assuming unless it is announced or we are told. A lot of women never really”snap back” after having children, a lot of women may of just had a miscarriage and they aren’t ready to talk about it or speak on it and may still look pregnant or a woman is having trouble getting pregnant or may not be able to and the topic of pregnancy is hard for them. You never know what a woman may be going through and it is wrong to just assume they are pregnant or project that on them.
There have been many times that people have assumed I was pregnant or said “Congrats, I didn’t know you were expecting” or told me they just knew I was pregnant because of how I look. I even had someone poke me in my stomach and tell me congrats on the pregnancy and I actually wasn’t. My body has been forever changing since I had my son 11 years ago. I dropped the pregnancy weight I gained but my body didn’t “snap back” to those stupid standards of how women show look after giving birth. My son wasn’t even a year yet and I was being asked about when I’m having the next one or I need to have another one to give him a sibling. How do you know I wanted more kids or how long I want to wait to have another one. It was a beautiful experience to give birth and bring a life into this world but it was a hell of an adjustment.
My weight has been fluctuating so much over the years and I really don’t like my mid section area. I get really bloated during that time of the month and it can appear that I am pregnant but I’m not. And then there is the constant questions of “So when are you going to have another baby” “Do you want more kids” “Aren’t you concerned about the huge age gap” and sometimes I don’t know how to truly answer people. The short answer is yes, I do want another kid. I love children and funny thing, when I was growing up, I said I wanted a big family but didn’t know how much these kids are lol. Anyway, I don’t feel like explaining to people the long answer that trying for another kid hasn’t been easy and it is hard.
There is more that I will talk about later because honestly, I’m not ready to speak on it. I know I’ve said this before but some things can be painful to bring up and talk about if you are not ready. I honestly just want to normalize not automatically assuming a woman is pregnant or telling her she is. She may not be announcing anything yet, may have just experienced a loss, may not be able to conceive or having a hard time trying to or just gained a little weight. You honestly don’t know what that statement may do to a person and just want people to be more mindful of that. And if a woman wished not to share, don’t force her to disclose anything until she is ready. Some of us don’t tell everyone what is truly going on because it can be triggering or painful to even bring up. Should this be normalized or am I being too much about this? What are your thoughts?
2 thoughts on “I Hate To Be That Person But……”
You’re not wrong Drea. I thought I’d learned my lesson years ago by asking that question to a stranger ( she wasn’t pregnant, btw)… but no. Years later, I did it again.
I wished I could sink into the ground. I wished that I’d be absorbed by the air around me. But no, I thought about my misspeak for days afterward. And then there’s the other side of it; the side of the woman who’s not expecting a baby. I hadn’t meant to project anything except for joy, but that wasn’t received. There wasn’t joy; there was melancholy. There was doubt and insecurity. I missed it, though I should’ve seen it.
I’ll take these thoughts and keep looking deeper within myself. These last few years have been hard and there’s no telling what people around us have lost or gained. May we increase our sensitivity or shut up.
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Its okay BFF, we all make mistakes and learn from then. Hopefully more people will learn increase the sensitivity or really keep it to themselves. Thanks for reading!