There has been so much….too much going on lately and it is starting to feel like we are back in 2020 again without the lockdown. Every month something happens and it just keeps getting worse and worse. It just blows my mind that I am living in a place like this. That old men are making decisions about women’s bodies, racism is still at an all time high, the blatant disrespect people have towards each other, people walking around taking the lives of others including children…children and it is just becoming too much. It is hard for me to even watch the news sometimes or even see things online because I’ve become so traumatized and it is too much to intake mentally.

I just can’t get over how much this country has changed over the past few years and it just seems like things are getting worse, not better. I just worry about how things are going to continue going and how it just seems like people don’t even care. Like people are seriously happy with how things are now? I’m guessing maybe it doesn’t pertain to them or effect them like others. I may not speak out so much on social media like others do but I do care about the issues. I may post something but sometimes I don’t have the words or tears. There are others that are advocating and speaking out but me, I just don’t have the words sometimes. I know my issues are so minuet to what is going on currently but I just don’t have the mental capacity at times to deal with way too much. I know I said I would at some point speak about my prior place of employment and what is going on now but I absolutely hate how people of color are constantly treated in the workplace. I don’t wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemies but something has got to change. I’m afraid of really speaking up and tired of holding my tongue. My concerns should be valued and listened to just as much as the person using their tears, lies and victimization. But again that is for another post but we deserve better in the workplace.

I just feel like how can things change, what needs to start happening to initiate these changes because this is too much. Someone has to have the solution or at a start in the right direction. We can’t continue living like this at all. Our children deserve a better future and not having to clean up this mess others left. I am an overthinker if you didn’t know. I tend to let some thoughts spiral out of control, feels like I have thousands of open tabs and don’t know where the random music and sounds are coming from. I also don’t know what my hold up is with going to therapy. I’ve been talking about it for about 2 years now and still haven’t done my research or book my first session, not too sure what I’m afraid of.

I know this post seems super random but these are my thoughts that have been going on lately.